Posted on 16 December 2012. Tags: abused animals, angry person, calculus homework, Fascination, jack mcgurn, john dillinger, mob members, paul ricca, person, pressure, Reason, resisting peer pressure, unhealthy obsession, Weird, weird fascination
I’m not a violent or angry person *in the slightest*, I cry when I see homeless people or stray /abused animals, I’ve never hurt anyone in my life, I have a huge capacity for love, I’m really smart, and I pride myself on making good decisions and resisting peer pressure. I’ve never been bullied or molested, I’m not lonely at all, I have a good relationship with my parents, etc…. but, for some reason, I have this really weird fascination with the Mafia. I think all the old time gangsters (young John Dillinger, Vincent Drucci, Frankie Yale, Paul Ricca, Jack McGurn, Irving Shapira, etc) even cinematic portrayals of mob members (Al Pacino’s Michael Corleone in Godfather) are super-duper attractive. I can spend hours researching their crimes, how long they were in prison, what gang they were affiliated with, etc, when I could be doing my calculus homework or hanging out with friends. Why the heck do I have this unhealthy obsession? Why am I SO fascinated with something thats pretty much repellent to a lot of people?
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Posted on 11 December 2012. Tags: accomplishment, certainty, Enlightenment, evidence, external experiences, hoops, journey, mbti, obscure topic, obscurity, person, personality theory, productive life, subjectivity, Truth
Well, this is a very vague and obscure topic, and I know how difficult a question it is to answer, being right up there along with ‘What is the meaning to life?’.
I have always been rather ‘introverted’ (reflective and taciturn with a tendency to avoid expending effort) and I do not mean ‘anti-social’ or awkward. I just simply mean that I am contemplative, and have a relatively clear understanding of who I am. I am very mature and often find that it’s difficult to enjoy the things most people do.
Where I am finding difficulty, is that I have no way to know what is more ‘real’ and actually matters in development as a person. I tried personality theory (socionics, MBTI), and I’ve tried meditation, and they never seem to have information on what actually matters in life. I feel tugged between two ideals, a life of meditation and obscurity or a life of external achievement only to possibly find that it means nothing to me. I have tried my best to find answers on my own, but the arguments justifying an esoteric life seem so insubstantial and incoherent, and they seem to simply be a series of eloquent descriptions of ‘enlightenment’ with no certainty of whether they were made-up.
The arguments for living a productive life contributing to society and facing endless competition seem equally absurd, and they undervalue how tangible the mind can be, and completely ignore the value of subjectivity (a feeling of accomplishment/happiness) instead placing a huge emphasis on ‘jumping through hoops’.
The biggest issue I have, is simply that I want to find a productive and comfortable niche, but in order to do that I need to identify which reality matters more. I have no solid evidence for internal or external experiences being more important. I often put off asking questions like this because most people wouldn’t see the point in asing them.
I have always been mature and intelligent, and quite skilled, but rarely had any need to use my skills or even show that I have them to other people. I have never had ambition or any competitive spirit, and in general, I prefer solitude because I find most conversation/interaction to be tedius and boring. Most of the people I know are very childish and easily swept away by hype, but at the same time, I question whether I’m the child throwing temper tantrums because I don’t like what they do.
It is a very common struggle in literature, and in all honesty, I have yet to find another person at about the same place in their journey, and seldom found someone mature enough that I can look to for answers. I don’t seek reassurance; I find it in my solitude and reflections. What I seek is external evidence, rather than mere concepts embedded within stories. I am the kind that cannot be content with the normal standards of success, and yet, seeks a niche where I fit comfortably and can be myself. I do not have many material needs, but at the same time, I find that the only reason I speak is because I dislike the silence of knowing I don’t have to.
I am simply looking for something to apply myself to that I can believe in, and that won’t leave me ignoring either the external or internal world I experience. I find all too often that I don’t feel a need to do anything unless it is necessary, and that I do a lot of unnecessary things because I genuinely want to understand the world and my place in it. Even in writing this, I have contemplated its deletion simply on account of it seeming an unnecessary addition that will likely leave me where I started.
I have also considered that I’m possibly mentally unsound, and yet I find that stress has little power over me, and that I do not worry or fear like the people around me. Is it that I simply cannot enjoy what those around me do, or is it perhaps that I have grown beyond such trifling materials and shared interests? I have found that what I want most is not so much answers as perspective. I know where I am in relation to those around me, and I know myself well, but I do not know my exact position in this journey we call life. I simply want to know where I am and where I am going, not the direction I am going versus the direction they are going. Please be aware that I have deeply considered all the possiblities and implications of what I know, but I have no solid reference point by which to map them out.
Where is there something which doesn’t require pure faith in its reality? I simply seek to know where to find truth, rather than opinion; knowledge, rather than facts and figures; and certainty, rather than possibility.
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Posted on 29 November 2012. Tags: federal trade commission, financial information, foreclosure, guarantees, housing, Listing, loan modification, mortgage company, paper, paperwork, person, person signs, Programs, six signs, sixth sign
I have it like this:
The U.S. government also published six signs of a housing scam. The first sign is when a company or person asks for a fee in advance for any type of loan modification. These types of fees are prohibited by the Federal Trade Commission.
The second sign is when a company or person guarantees that they can stop a foreclosure or get your loan modified. There is no one other than the company lending you the money that can do this.
The third sign is when a company or person advises you to stop paying your mortgage company and pay them instead and there is never a situation where anyone should receive a payment other than your mortgage company.
A fourth sign is when a company insists that they can help as soon as a person signs over the title to a home and then hands you any paperwork that you haven’t read or don’t understand.
A fifth sign is when a company claims to offer government approved loan modifications. And there are many agencies that pretend to be affiliated with the federal government that aren’t really federally “official.”
Last but not least, a sixth sign that a company is scamming you or someone else is when they ask you to release personal financial information.
Also, I am using this and that excessively in this paper. What are some other words I can use?
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Posted on 28 November 2012. Tags: college, college friends, easy solution, good job, house, job, new friends, person, relationship, social circles, Solution
I graduated from college in a small town about a year ago. I landed a good job in the same town as the college, so I still hang out with a lot of my college friends and they come to my house and spend time. A lot of people would consider me pretty popular for being a graduate. Lately, however, it feels like I’ve not been in contact with my friends as often and they have been entering other social circles and we’ve grown someone apart.
It’s hard to make new friends outside of the college here because my town doesn’t have a lot of people my age in it.
An easy solution that I have considered, one that will gain me new friends and renew my relationship with my older friends, is to jump back into the college social life and start making plans with people/attending social events/trying to meet new people at the college. But to me, this just feels weird, and makes me feel like people would consider me weird since I don’t attend classes there any longer, and I don’t want to feel like the person ‘who can’t let his college years go’ even through I graduated there last year.
But this seems like the only option, as our small town is rural, there aren’t a lot of people my age around, and there are no real community events or chances to meet people my age who aren’t affiliated with the college.
Should I go back into the college social life?
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Posted on 25 November 2012. Tags: admin assistant, chief officer, Database, false names, person, persons address, proof, rica hotel, scammers, Scamming, Security, security card, security id card, security ids, tarlac city
There is a company located in the Philippines, which claims to make security card IDs, but there is proof to suggest that they are cold evil scammers. I don’t even think it is a company, but a few people. The company is apparently called Administrative Verification Office International. Basically the company claims it makes security IDs, which prove people of any age are safe to meet. People email this company for a security ID and the security ID costs 100 pounds. The person submits there details to the company including address, date of birth etc… The company then claims it is affiliated with the Criminal Records Bureau and that they search their database to see if the person has a criminal record. If there is more than one person with the same name, then the company requests a further 100 pounds to clear their name from the database. The company then confirms that they will send the security ID card via Fedex to the persons address, but quite a few people have not received their security ID and when they have tried to contact back the company they don’t reply back. The company does not even issue out their telephone number. My friend was stupid enough to order a security ID, a month ago, but it has not arrived. The address of the company apparently is: La Maja Rica Hotel, Tarlac City in the Philippines. The admin assistant is called Michelle Evergreen and the chief officer is called Jerome Malungcut, but I believe these are false names. Can this company be reported for illegal activities?
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Posted on 20 November 2012. Tags: Age, art class, Avg, dad, education training, Goals, Jockey, person, plan b, professional artist, quite some time, ridden horses, Unrealistic, weight
I want to be a jockey, ive ridden horses for quite some time now and i jump them too. I know abought tje weight and you have to be a light person. I can check that off my list (97lbs naturally) what about education? Training? Age, how old do you have to be to start training?? Where can i find a trainer? Anything and everything between the lines.
My dad thinks im being to rediculus and that i would never make it as a jocky or professional artist (plan B) i have a 94%avg. In art class aha
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