Affiliate Marketing Secrets

hey,
Does anyone know any good affiliate program shipping cigarettes to US or Canada?
I know its abit hard to find but im sure there is at least one,anyone?

Mine would be Lucas: He escapes from prison and discuses himself as some other guy, wins back denise and murders more people in secret.
Mercy (even though i hate her) : Dot and fatboy would get together. Then she returns relising she loves fatboy and then sees him and dot! Priceless!! Also i would love to see more mrs allybummy
Rob: He might not be dead we did not see him nor did whitney! He discuses himself and sells cigarettes on the black market! Whitney goes to him and he says: “whitney do you want a cigarette” in his funny accent! LOOOOOL
Stella: Ben is lying in his bed and then stella just walks in with a spoon HAHAHA
Mad may: She steals tommy and kat and alfie think ronnie has struck again! LOL

A friend of mine has been using youtube, business cards, and her website to sell electronic cigarettes online as well as a direct link to her website review. I want to learn more about electronic cigarette affiliate programs in general. What are the trusted, high caliber, quick payout, high converting e-cig programs out there? Reviews of electronic cigarette affiliate brands are welcome but please keep spam at a minimum.

Hey Charlie Sheen,
Hi, My name is Dave Sexton and I am the only person alive today that has completely changed all of my old habits and was completely rebuilt. I have experienced a complete rebuild to my body and my mind. I use to way 310 lbs and I would drink every day till I would pass out. I would also smoke a pack of cigarettes in just a 3 hour period. Plus I would also smoke the good old marijuana every day. I lost 110 lbs. and I do not smoke or drink. My secret is the most full proof system on the market today. I am living proof this will work. Can you imagine going to sleep and then waking up and not being interested in cigarettes or alcohol and then being a full blown vegetarian to top it off. This is the only full proof way to solve all of your destructive habits. Off course this secret is very expensive to learn but it does not cost as much as all of the money you have wasted on all of the alcohol and cigarettes, plus all of the meat you have consumed in the last 10 years. To find out more just send $10,000 and I will give you the best way guaranteed to stop all of your habits. This is no joke and I am willing to talk to anyone about this. I am living proof. Have a nice day. Dave