Tag Archive | "intimacy problems"

What Is Wrong With Our Once “awesome” Sex-life?


My girlfriend and I (we are a gay couple) have been dating for almost a year and a half. When we first got together, our sex life was healthy–If not a little TOO healthy, if you catch my drift. We had sex at least once a day. If we got busy with life and work, it would dwindle down to every three days or so, and we thought that was insane. We couldn’t get enough of each other.
Now, over a year later, so much has changed. We’ve been through many homes and jobs, making mistakes and trying to find our niche in this world. It’s been a stressful year, to say the least.
When all of this stress first came on is when I first noticed our sex life becoming less and less satisfying. At that time, I understood it. Even though I myself would rather have sex and embrace the fact that at least we have each other during hard times, I understood her not wanting to as much.
I watched it dwindle down from every few weeks…to every month or so…to every couple of months…and now it has been five months. When I look up things about other couples having intimacy problems, they all say it’s been a month or two. But five months? Isn’t that a little scary?
Our lives are much less stressful now. Our money problems are nearly obsolete, and both of us are about to finally go back to school (full-paid, with no worry of paying back loans or not having enough to cover tuition.) So I know that it cannot be a stress factor anymore. Now, she is somewhat overweight. She has absolutely no self-confidence, and often calls herself awful names.
No matter how much I tell her that she is beautiful and sexy (because she truly is), she still thinks so poorly of herself. And I feel that if she would only let me make love to her, I could show her how gorgeous that she is. But time and time again, she turns me down.
She tells me that it’s not me. She says that it is absolutely nothing to do with me, and that she finds me more attractive than anyone she has ever seen. She sees how this is making me break down, how it is hurting me, but she won’t even make an effort. I feel so unattractive that I can’t even look at myself in the mirror. She’s making me want to starve myself and start dressing in ways that I would normally not ever dress, because I just want her to be attracted to me again.
Now before anyone says “she is cheating on you” I want you to know that I have already considered that. I’ve already accused her of it. Of course, I could be wrong, but from what I can tell, she has been faithful. Before we even got together, she was my best friend because I knew her to be the most honest, trust-worthy person I ever met.
And also, I’d prefer answers that don’t have to do with “spice it up!” because honestly, nothing is wrong with the mechanics of our sex-life. We’re lesbians. We know how to satisfy each other. What’s wrong with the sex is the lack of it.
I just want to know what could be wrong with her…or me…that’s causing this to be so long and drawn out. It seems silly to me to end a relationship just because my partner lacks sex drive. But I am a woman. I need touched. I need to feel wanted. I need to feel special. I wait on her and her friends hand and foot and do everything she could ever possibly need. All I want is my basic human needs fulfilled. Not every day. Not even every week. Just more often than every few months.
Any help?

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