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If This A Good Way To Start My Action Book Please Help?

It fells like any normal school day as twelve year old Parker Brennan casually walks towards his school as he did every single other day on his own with only his Mp3 player for company.
As the young athletic jogs past one of the local shop market he notices 2 teenager run past him both carrying a handbag each at once Parker realising what was happening to turns to see two older woman sitting on the bench still in shock ‘ someone call the police’ Parker shouts before he being chasing after the two teenagers.
Before Parker know it he was chasing the pair up a set of stairs that lead up to a train platform the his thick black hair getting blow by the wind as he start to close in on one of the boys.
Just then Parker watches in disbelieve as both boys race across the train track he stops at the edge and spots a train closing in knowing it was now or never he quickly jumps into the air and lands on his feet on the other side just as the train pulls up at the platform.
Parker notices that both the teens were now running along a riverbank Parker quickly runs to the stairs and jump off the railing landing on the ground he being chasing after the teens hoping that he would be able to catch one or both of them soon.
As he keeps running he fells like his legs were floating in mid-air thankful Parker was able to avoid everyone else while he was chasing the two bag thieves.
Before he know it the two teen has run across a busy road after quickly stopping Parker stops a large bus coming towards him after he bus drives past Parker keep running hoping that the teens has not got to far ahead of him yet.
The story line is Parker along with 3 other kids are all recruited by a top secret spy network and are at once sent to spy school.
After completing the 3 month course all four kids are sent up as undercover agents within a school there mission to find a group of people within the school who are making a computer program that controls the minds of anyone who turns it on

No Responses to “If This A Good Way To Start My Action Book Please Help?”

  1. i see dead squirrels says:

    Somehow I feel that this is being read by Michael Palin in a Monty Python sketch parodying teen lit.

  2. Qwerty says:

    Good idea. Though I hope that is just a quick rough draft of the beginning because you could use some help with word flow.

  3. Desirae says:

    Ah,.. it’s ok. Needs some work to be better, another round of editing and it’d be better to “show and not tell” instead for example of telling a person is sad or etc, show by writing his eyes turned glossy, he hugged himself and his voice shook when he spoke. Use this method for the action parts.

  4. Brian says:

    You should learn to spell

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