Please help me to point out the positives and negatives of my essay. Be honest and harsh if necessary.
The ____’s are places where I am still trying to come up with something to say.
I’m still concerned about these things:
– Grammar
– Fluidity
– Content
– How it transitions from the first to second paragraph seems funky
– How to effectively continue – the main purpose is supposed to be the challenges of being an entrepreneur at 16
and just my transitions in general…
Ever since my childhood, I have always been passionate about art, in all of its versatile and varying forms. From the days I spent teaching myself how to braid hair at the age of five so that I could practice creative hairstyles on my grandmother, to the hours I spent awestruck in front of a glowing computer screen designing birthday cards for my friends in elementary school, this certain passion of mine had grown immensely at such a young age. However, like all the other children at that time, I dreamt of becoming something extraordinary, like an astronaut, an archaeologist, or a part of the FBI. It wasn’t until the very beginning of my teenage years that I realized that the only thing that had been with me throughout my entire life was art. Amidst all of my peaks and valleys, it had always been there in the forefront of my life. So I pursued it.
By the time I was twelve, I found my true calling, my niche in the art world. Graphic design. It was the perfect combination of my love for all mediums of art and my growing appreciation for computers and the digital age.
During the summer between my junior and senior years of high school, I combined my ever prevalent passion for art, my inordinate thirst for knowledge, and my intensifying curiosity of “the real world”. I became an entrepreneur at the age of sixteen.
Sixteen was a ____ time of my life. It was a time where I _____. At sixteen, I learned how to drive. At sixteen, I became the editor of my high school’s yearbook. At sixteen, I started my own graphic and web design business, Beauxlent. At sixteen, I turned this challenge into an opportunity.