Tag Archive | "own security"

Growing Up : Losing Friends/heartbreak?


I am a twenty year old girl and truly understand now why people say “Enjoy being a kid.” The older you get you realize how truly selfish, envious, and cruel people can be. Dealing with an emotionally abusive ex showed me how people have absolutely no sympathy, find you annoying, and then ditch you to be friends with that guy.
Growing up truly sucks – and during the last two years I have been trying to find myself again. I thought I’d have a great support team of friends who’d distract me. People have this mentality “Sucks for you, Glad it’s not me.” If I didn’t see it, I don’t believe it, your overdramatic.” Over this time I’ve lost SO many friends. I am glad I got rid of the “fake” friends .. but its truly left me with noone. I used to be a very pretty popular girl – and after these experiences it’s made me insecure.
I’ve tried to stay a good person – I don’t just stay friends with someone after they hurt me because I am afraid of being alone. I don’t just drink or hook up with guys to feel “accepted” and not lonely. I thought the worst of this was high school – but even in early twenties people are just so cruel.
I feel somewhat trapped between my past, present, and future. I so desperately want to fix this – but you can’t force friendship nor relationship. I try to meet new people and stay away from people in my past – but everyone still knows everyone. I feel so lonely because I just don’t have my own niche. I don’t have people that I know are 100% there for me – and I look around and it seems everyone has their own security of good friends and relationships.
I know I am only twenty but I feel so bombarded and stressed. I don’t want to feel so sad all the time. I am so tired of people telling me to “get over it.” – when in reality I don’t see any helping hands of goodness. I never realized how early adulthood is truly so hard 🙁 I can’t help but feel I will always be sad and never return to that confident person I was.
Any advice?

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