My 9 yr old told me the other day that all the boys are spreading rumors that a boy has a crush on my dtr. She says they laugh, wisper, and say things like when is the wedding? Even though these are innocent comments, it’s just making her uncomfortable. Things I suggested to her are: she can try expressing her feelings. So she can say something like “Stop (behavior), it’s making me (her feeling). OR she can try ignoring the comments and let them see it doesn’t bother her.
What would you suggest? How else can she deal with this?
Categorized | Featured Articles
Parents/educaters :dealing With Teasing Not Bullying, 3rd Grader.?
Posted on January 15, 2013.
My kids have had luck with the approach on the bullies 2 buddies website. I know you don’t like to call the teasing bullying, and I think that the founder of the bullies 2 buddies program would agree with you 100%. I have recommended the site before, but I’m not affiliated in any way, just glad to have found an approach that works. Ask her to watch her own reactions when people tease her about the crush. It could be that she is giving them some payback. Even though it may not be mean spirited, they may find her reactions funny or cute, and that is fun for them. I believe that all teasing is a game that the teaser plays in order to get some kind of reaction out of the teasee. If the reaction makes the other person feel powerful, or funny then it is a game they wan to keep playing. Once she realizes that it is her reaction that is feeding the situation, she will be able to be more calm because she will have a way to “win” the game they are playing.
Whether teasing is bullying or not really depends on how it affects the person being teased and how the perpetrators react. If she tells them to stop and they don’t or if she acts like it’s a joke or ignores them and they continue to escalate, it can become bullying.
I would suggest asking her how she wants to handle it. Has she tried treating it like a joke? “Yes – we’re getting married next week.” with a laugh and roll of the eyes. Ignoring it? Just walking away? As you suggest, telling them to stop because she doesn’t like it? If she’s tried all these things and they are continuing or escalating, does she want an adult to intervene?
Teasing is only teasing if it’s light and amusing and among friends. It CAN be bullying. Where’s the line between being teased and harassed? Nobody, whether bullying or teasing, has a right to make another person’s life miserable.
First of all I want to say a big thank you for realizing this isn’t bullying. IMO that word is being overused and in the process is being trivialized.
The most helpful thing you can do is help her develop a thicker skin. This thankfully doesn’t sound like mean spirited taunting. That kind of teasing has been going on for eons and isn’t likely to stop. I’ve been accused of sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G many a boy. 🙂
You are teaching her a really good technique. The “when you…I feel….” is perfect. However the next step is to help her understand that sometimes people are going to say things that she doesn’t like or knows aren’t true and she can’t let those things make her feel sad. Remind her that she knows (the boy the rumor is about) is just her friend and 9 year olds don’t get married.I would encourage her to ignore them as long as they are acting that way.
Help Her become Strong, Assertive and still Sociable. Support her by helping her feel Good about herself all the time. She should ignore rumours untill it starts to get out of control, when she should stand up for herself & say something like, ”I think you are more interested in him than I am” but dont be rude everytime.
teach your child to advocate for himself. they can choose to ignore the boys or face them directly & ask them to stop. your daughter can feel any way she wants -if she wants to feel uncomfortable, that’s her choice.
Simple. When people make fun of me I let them know I hear them, but pretend not to care