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How To Get A Girlfriend? Seriously I’m Lonely. Depressed. Never Kissed A Girl.?


Hey,
I’m 18 years old and studying for my Computer Science degree at a great university. I’m living on my own now in residence on campus. I have a single room, queen sized bed, beer fridge, shower, flat screen, my computers, and two big windows. It’s really chill and it’s nice because I get to wake up excited to go to class since I am studying my passion.
Due to my childhood I developed antisocial behaviour and these patterns have stuck with me my whole life. Originally due to early childhood I have a lot of anxiety and it was much more an avoidant personality. I felt I didn’t have any worth. I was ugly, etc. I was bullied to and even gang beat until I cried. In school I didn’t do well, but I still graduated elementary and went to high school. In high school the bullying minimized but I was still a loser. Not just my own personal view but also in terms of how the social groups work in a high school. It’s actually pretty stupid to be honest.
I went through just passing all my course until the summer before the start of grade 11. This summer I was exposed to marijuana. Of course due to my nature I was taught it was bad. But I still tried it and realized it isn’t actually that bad. More importantly however it allowed me to break my anxiety. There has been some science to show that enhances and restores your pineal gland and if you have done research into this it is also known as the third eye to many eastern cultures. What happened was it gave me a different perception of everything. Firstly I got above 90% in all eight of my classes that year. I was always highly intelligent so I used my knowledge to raise my social level in high school, but kind of in a bad way. I became the sketchy guy that has power and everyone is afraid to **** with and so respects by default.
It was quite easy to do this. First since I smoked marijuana, and marijuana happens to be illegal where I live so that means no stores would sell it. I had to capitalize on this and so I simply took advantage of a government created black market niche, and began selling marijuana in my high school. This automatically put me very high in the social class. My family never had a lot of money so I started out with just $100 dollars selling half ounces and then I was able to buy an ounce. Eventually I had $600 dollars that I was using to buy quarter pounds which is four ounces. I was actually selling and loaning ounces (28 grams) to the marijuana dealers at my high school. I was very proud of myself.
So due to this I obviously developed a very high self esteem because I had achievements I could be proud of. Getting 90% in all my classes was amazing because this is what allowed for my get early acceptances to all the universities I later applied to in grade 12. I was too young to get a normal job and had too much self worth to work at MacDonald’s. Having this new flow of income was nice. Naturally I then developed many friends. I was able to go to the parties which are awesome. I had girls texting me but I really had to idea how to talk to a girl. I really screwed myself in this aspect of my life.
Now I later became friends with most girls from my high school and from the younger grade too. I have six female friends that I can text and ask to hangout. Go to Tim Horton’s, see a movie, smoke marijuana, go to parties, etc. Of course since this year I moved away from my city to a new city where my university is located. I stopped selling marijuana because unlike high school; university isn’t a joke and I wouldn’t want to get in trouble because it could affect my degree.
So now I am just lonely. I go to my classes everyday but they are simply lectures. In some classes I am able to socialize but it is only minimal because it is an academic class and not a play group like high school. Right now all I want is a girlfriend but I don’t know how to get one. Growing up the thought never even occurred that someone like myself would be able to get a girl.
I ski and kayak a lot by myself because I love nature so my body is in good shape. I also notice lots of girls looking at me as I walk in my classes. I have great confidence now but I still don’t know how to talk to random girls. Talking to my female friends are easy because we know each other. But random girls I wouldn’t really know. I also don’t really understand the concept of the “date” and asking someone “out”.
I just want a girl to actually want me. I never received the affection of a female before so I imagine I would like it. Even to cuddle and watch a NetFlix would be amazing. But I want the one thing I can’t get 🙁

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