Been married for 40 years. Spouse was in military for 27 years, I was there for all 27. SBP elected. We are now 62, 64. I want to get away but have been told I must stay. If I leave, I leave with nothing and adult kids will get nothing. I am tired of the threats. I want the last phase of my life to be good. I am on medicare disability (from an accident) and tricare for the drugs. 1) I understand that if I leave, I can keep disability and tricare for life as long as I don’t remarry. But husband says I cannot even date as it would be considered same as marriage. What are the written regulations. 2) I live in community property state and should get 50/50. But he says if I leave, the first to go looses out. Does that really matter? 3) When I bring the issue up, he gets very angry, the humiliation would be too much for him. I fear about what this means. I plan to stay in the area because my children are here and it would be impossible to keep my new whereabouts a secret. What do others do? 4) am I entitled to a military lawyer? If so, how do I access one about this without his knowledge? 5) He has hidden assets in a safe for the majority of marriage. Probably 50% of our assets are hidden there. I know how much was paid for these assets because I have kept the records for the last 20 years. But the market value must be much more. If I mention divorce, these assets will just disappear. Will the record I have of the payments for these assets be of any value in distribution of assets. Excuse me for thinking of money, money, but I am disabled and my children deserve some compensation for the treatment they also received. If anyone can answer, I would appreciate it.
First and foremost…. the people on Yahoo answers are not lawyers or even that knowledgeable most of the time. Something you really need to consider when getting advice here.
I’ll do my best with the little bit of information you have provided.
I’ll start at the bottom. Your children get nothing and you shouldn’t give them money for what they have gone through. it’s over with and no amount of money would make up for the horrors of living with a bad parent. So money for them isn’t an option and if you do divorce and get a settlement you have no idea how long you will live, so do not give what you get away.
Ok… Dating does not qualify as getting married in any way. So yes, you can date without losing any benefits. You can even be engaged and still receive your benefits, but the moment you marry you lose them.
2. No, the person who leaves first doesn’t lose out on anything.
3. You get a no contact order from the courts. You often need a child to stand up with you and explain he’s abusive and you are fearful. If he comes near you after you leave him you can call the police and turn him in for the no contact order. You can also have him removed from the house and should consider that route instead of being the one to leave the home.
4. Yes, you are entitled to a military attorney. All attorneys, military or not, are confidential.
5. If you have records of the hidden money and can prove it was once there, you need an attorney to find it and make records of it BEFORE he knows you are divorcing him. Hidden assets can be found and can be demanded. Even if it disappears it has to go somewhere. And once the judge knows that it was there he has to split it with you regardless of what he did with it.
After all of these years you do deserve half of a life you helped to create. You are entitled to it. Your children are not.
You need an attorney BEFORE you consider divorcing. You need to find a class to take and go there most times, but on days where you need to talk to your attorney you can look like you are going to the class and slip out to see the attorney. That’s how most abused woman do it. Try to find a class that has a back door. Go in so if he is watching he sees you going in. Then after 10 to 15 min slip out the back door and take a taxi to the attorneys and back. Leaving the car to sit in the parking lot of the class the entire time. Offer him to come sit in on the class so he won’t want too. Try to find a two hour class as it will give you the most room to slip in and out when needed. Maybe a cooking class that doesn’t care if you are there or not. Good luck… it will be both harder and easier than you thought it would be to divorce and get half.